I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
