yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
