Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
