My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
