i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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