he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize