After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
