went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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