i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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