hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cut my penus on the lid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
