I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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