I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
