so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
