to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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