lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
