And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
