I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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