I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
