OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
