She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize