just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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