how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
