Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
