also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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