I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
