My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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