So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
