you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Randomize