I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
