Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
