I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
