my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
