I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
