i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
