friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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