My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
