She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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