those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
