im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
