I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
