sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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