Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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