No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm too high and old for this...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
