she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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