never play flip cup with pint glasses
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
