Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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