we have officially lost it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
