Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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