now i know why i became what i already was.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
