i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
