She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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