my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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