she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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