Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
