I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize