"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just forgot I was standing up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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