The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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