You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
