told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize