like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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