i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
