can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
