then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
