Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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