You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
