This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
