Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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