Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
