kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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