have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
