My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
